_____________________________

saturday.

2007-03-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

i thought i'd do a before bedtime post- and the fact that my battery doesnt work without the power chord anymore and i had to plug the charger in, shows that i really wanted to post. i havent really com to terms with my problems yet because i've been too busy with everything else. okay maybe that's a lie, but i wouldnt really know. i watched grey's anatomy and i cried like crazy. thats how weird i'm ready to admit i am for the moment. i was so annoyed my mom called during the show. really broke the feel. i hate perfume. sincerely i do, my nose will feel miserable and i head just hates the extra fumes. not kidding, i tuned the thing off just now and i can still smell it, it's driving me crazy. i never knew how secretive i might be, i keep telling myself how open i am, but maybe i'm really not.

FALL OUT BOY <3

2007-03-06T05:15:00.000-08:00

1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8.

in sequence:
1) before the concert, the girls, pam, Jeslin and i walked over to the expo to buy some food because we got bored, so on the way back we took some girl's room shots (: funfunfun. we waited a total of 9and a half hours, but since pam and i came 1and a half hours late, we waited 8 hrs. WHICH IS STILL LONG. jeslin, jerald, jerome & joram waited in line since 12.

2) they moved us into the hall, which was kind of better, but we were sitting next to a bunch of obnoxious people. omg. i don't even want to talk about it. thank God the guys were there. then the security guard blew the whistle for like, i don't why really, and everybody started rushing for the double doors. absolutely CHAOTIC. it got extremely stuffy too! from a little cool to HOT AND STUFFY ): pam and ram got coke or something on them. poor things. this is a little taste of after the "rush".

3) Pam helped me tie my hair :D if i could swear, and i can't, but if i could, i swear pam is a whiz at hair. she is like WHOA! HAHA. but seriously. she is the best. haha. so cool (: thanks pammie.

4) i HAD to put this picture up. if you look closely, there's a comb in his hair. i'm so mean. sorry. but it must be some kind of fashion statement, so its okay right. haha. cute picture.

5) The band- Fall Out Boy <3 i've been thinking of them 24/7, God knows why. Ram was saying i totally didnt sing at all at the concert, BUT ITS CAUSE I WAS IN SUCH A BAD MOOD FROM ALL THE PUSHING AND BLAH. oh yeah, and girls are better at getting to the front than guys, i could do it, but no one would let rome get in. haha. i still dont believe we lined up 8hrs plus plus to end up leaving the front to go to the side. but i guess it did seem very dangerous. seriously.

6) Pete Wentz- EVERYBODY'S FAVOURITE (: he licked his guitar. haha. i love him.

7) After the concert, we had another go at the girl's room shots. one of girl's favourite places to take pictures (; haha. but CLEAN PICTURES, i must add.

8) pam and i took a cab to her house- $19.90! like what the! cause of airport charge and some other one.. burning a hole in our pockets! the guys took a cab with jeslin, cause all of them live in the east. HOW CONVINIENT! the cab uncle told us about his sad sad life as a cab driver. poor guy. we let him keep the change. haha. peace uncle (: one last picture before we bathed and knocked out on pam's couch. i couldnt sleep the whole night cause i had this itch in my leg bones. haha. i think its cause i was growing.. lol.

this is for all those people that make me feel bad

2007-03-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

who said i always had to make sense? blah blah blah... i want to see my reflection in your eyes but you have to look at me first.

songs that make me high. i want to do that one day. my lips are sealed with secrets i'll never reveal just because i console myself with these ticks of good deeds. HAHA. i won't be like that anymore. hold my hand to know if im nervous but you'll never catch it if i were anyway. humour the cooks with cars cause that's all you want- feel better when you hear me, when i'm quiet my songs are screaming from the under under underground choir. i drive myself crazy to keep up with you. i'd go crazy if i lost myself but i could loose everything else. at least thats what i hope but i could never live without God. i'll say all this so you'll never want to know what i want to say. but its okay, i'll live if the whole world didnt care. cause what's with this place anyway? staying in my own little world i'll shut you out but if you want to, i'll leave the welcome mat outside to make you hope i still want you messing with my head. who doesn't love that?

2007-01-23T06:16:00.000-08:00

My heart is spilling out, all the guilt and regret. i really always wanted it to be fair, good people get good things coming, and bad people, bad. it would be so much easier that way, but life is complicated. And maybe i wouldn't want it very much if i had it. if i ever had you i dont want to be too afraid to lose you to enjoy it. but i wish i actually had a chance. life is pretty depressing cause i never get my way. it looks like people who don't want it get it, but how do i pretend i don't want you when i do?

2007-01-22T07:06:00.001-08:00

i am totally moody.

2007-01-22T05:44:00.000-08:00

today suckedd. i'll cry myself to sleep cause thats all i seem to do all day. i missed my stop, i missed the 2nd one too so i had to walk all the way from mt alvernia which was creepy cause of the secluded part thanks to the highway part but at least i exercised. art is a bitch. she didnt stop until she saw i was about to cry. my gosh, i mean honestly there is a limit how much you can push someone. and that was too much. and now im listening to john mayer, choking after every word. oh & thanks for being all cheery lauren (: lol. and carina for tagging with me all day. and my recess ppl. haha.

2007-01-21T02:17:00.000-08:00

okay. i'll blog for yesterday. oh yeah there was jamming at 1200h. i thought it was at 1230h! i dunno why i keep thinking of 1238h. haha. weird. we only did like 1 song the whole time. uncle terry we had to perfect it, i guess that makes sense. it was a hymn, cause we havent done any, and main service LOVES hymns. my fingers hurt like freak cause i had to do bar chords. bleaugh. but i LOVE JAMMING! okay now i know, i love tennis & guitar. honestly. oh. & john mayer (: haha. oh yeah then Pamela, Janine, Jeslin, jerome, joram and i went to sing post. pam and i wanted to eat meepok, so both of us went downstairs, and four of them went to long johns, supposed to go mac donalds, but dunno why they went long johns, always end up at long johns! haha. but dumb food court didnt have meepok, and janine already said food court there doesn't look particularly great. so i went to mac instead, mann, i feel freaking fat cause of that. i got a fillet-o-fish student meal upsize- so worth it but so FATTENING! haha. joram couldnt get any internet connectionfor his macbook at long johns even though it was right next to mac, so they wanted to move at the nearer end to mac, but we didnt haha. too much work. oh yeah then jerome brought the WRONG math book, haha, so jeslin the SMART one taught him without the textbook. but the guy at the next table had the textbook. we didnt borrow it in the end. haha. he was kinda freaked out by us cause we were all talking about him, i still think he was 16. they all thought he was a tuition teacher- so not. then it started raining A LOT. and cause stupid sing post has like minimal shelter we had to use jeslin's LIGHT ribbon umbrella and go back and forth. haha. so fun. then we all squeezed into the cab, 5 ppl cause jeslin took an mrt home. the uncle really hated us, jerome was used to it- not surprising really. HAHA. joking. and we got to the wrong place, but we ended up only paying 5bucks (: okay i'm wayy too tired to try and remember anymore. bleaugh

2007-01-08T07:44:00.000-08:00

We had like, hmmm.. 6 breaks today! haha. that made school suck LESS, but believe me i just barely went by- jas didnt come to school today ): oh yeah. and i thought today ended at like 1610h. thank God it didn't! omg. can die la. i slept last period of the break, so we were late for ferng's class. had to stand like for 1 period. oh well. not too bad. we did chemistry lab rules. everyone came up with lame pok rules. at least no real lesson yet. didnt sleep. i was like dozing off for geog though. i mean not really really my fault la, aircon room, no shoes.. SURE SLEEP! haha. tomorrow school bookshop will have the geog textbooks, good. so must chiong ah! haha. so gay. i dont believe i said that. lol. i mean must be kiasu and hurry up run down to bookshop. cause i don't want old and tatty 2nd hand books from seniors or bras basah. some more carina say the seniors so cheapo want to sell their old books. haha. my english getting worse.. tsk tsk. okay. i better go sleep now- or i'll doze off again ): oh yeah. i was like 1/2 an hour late for my guitar! my gosh. he said my excuse wasn't good. haha. 'my friend's birthday'- quite dumb i guess. i wasted 30minutes of my 45minute class, sad sad. i'm dead. okay. now REALLY REALLY gtg. next post no more singlish. singlish is so sickening. haha

2007-01-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

31december- New year's eve. after service jana, jeslin, pam and i went to billy bombers for like 5minutes, and then to cafe cartel, tried to look for something formal for me, but my parents arrived, so i had to go, UNDERDRESSED to the party. so embarrassing. at the party, talked to suying and steph, and christopher. some anime stuff that i had no idea of, oh and all the cartoon network and disney channel shows. weird. i didnt watch any of them. so i was like, just listening. we played murderer and detective, but that didnt turn out very well cause josh and the guys kept messing it up! bleaugh. then they played with the free can of snow. sprayed it all over the restaurant. lol. played with the exploding thingies. i dunno what they're called. oh yeah- crackers. we had LOADS! then we went to evan, kyle and ryan's room. supposed to watch prison break, but we had to go downstairs. so dumb la. counted down stayed a little. tried to talk to evan. but it wasnt very good. haha. went to jana's house to sleep over. i think i blogged about all the girls stuff already. so yupp. here are the pictures.

2007-01-07T04:08:00.000-08:00

THE BABIES! Naomi (sleeping beauty), Justus (farmer-boy) & Eli (ball of fun)

'suntanning' and vivocity with pammie (: then jamming with girlband (: 301206

2007-01-07T02:19:00.001-08:00

here are the pictures as promised. woke up EARLY, like 7plus to go suntanning with pam, but stupid sun didnt come up, so it was quite useless. we only got sticky and oily. and like a little bit tanner, believe me you couldnt tell. we just tried to console ourselves. the water at the bathing place was SOOOO COLD! omg. we were like screaming. lol. thank God not too many people were there, otherwise it'll be quite embarrassing. haha. after that we went subway. i think we spent an hour there. then, off to vivo to window shop! still didnt find a wallet. oh yeah. we were trying to kill time, we had like 5hours. cause jamming was at 4 and it was only 11! bleaugh. by 4 we were exhausted, and all the chairs were taken! how convenient.. then we remember gv has lots and lots of seats outside! we only spent like 10minutes there, then my parents came and we had to rush downstairs to the bus stop. jamming was super duper fun! my wrist hurt like A LOT! i rocked on the guitar STANDING UP .lol. i always can't play like that first time. haha. we persuaded uncle terry to let us jam till 8 and then he let us play karaoke till 9. in the end we left at 830 cause we got hungry. belle went home ): went to KFC, as usual. and dumb them always forget that KFC is lousy and always doesnt have much food. jana's shrooms burger didnt even have the mu-shrooms. so lame la. only lettuce. haha- weird. we listened to pam's london bridge, the one with 2 english dudes at the end. HAHAAHAHAH. we were so high la. then after that my parents came, jeslin & jana took mrt home, and my parents dropped christine, and pam home.

2007-01-06T20:13:00.000-08:00

Shittttt! I keep saying the wrong things. man. i feel dumb! why do i always do that! now i've screwed up. i believe in 2nd chances, why can't you? lets start over- please? I don't know how you do it. anyone actually. i wasn't careful enough, i should have thought things through. you're not a bad guy. i'm just ACTING like everyone i hate. it's just a coverup- you gotta believe me. i'm just wayy too scared. please.

iFlea

2007-01-05T23:42:00.001-08:00

A cute video to LIVEN up my blog. -does that make sense? oh well. bad english.
by the way, IT IS NOT PORN!

2007-01-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

omg. school sucks now. no motivation to go to school anymore. i miss 3d1'06! you guys were the best :D stupid sharla's gonna transfer out. i'm not even talking in class at all and i am a boring lifeless being at the moment, and my social life is GOING DOWN THE DRAIN! "stupid school disrupt the peace"- like sharmila says. WHY WHY WHYYYYY?! so irritating and extra, i mean we were like so okay with our class! we LOVEDD our class, and then they extra go and do this type of thing! hurrrrrrrrr.. watching celebrity death match now, too bad its not real, i wanna get into the ring! AHHHHH..! frustration is killing me! cannot blog already. too annoyed ):

2007-01-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

i wanna cry cause you won't let me and i want you cause you don't want me. shall i starve myself for you? or is that too extreme? i think all guys like skinny girls- i'll follow the stereotype if i had too. but is it really gonna work? i dont wanna kill myself for you, cause that way i won't even get to see you. i'll gag out everything you dont want, and i'll be bulimic. i'll take in everything you love, and i'll be under medication. its like all those ads. if thats what you want i'll do it. just say the word. it doesnt have to hurt if you don't want it to. but just break my heart and get it done with. i'll be what i want to be, take it, please don't leave it. i wanna know there's a purpose for all this. it'll be a waste really if i did all this for nothing. all i want is you. "when you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part"

2007-01-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

slept at about three last night, so i woke up at three today (: no more staying up and waking up late anymore. so sad! school tomorrow. i'm not looking forward to waking up early. i have to set my alarm for 630plus again. dunno if i can sleep though. i forced myself to avoid coffee today. i got myself an auntie annes- almond cinnamon. quite good i must say. i got a cinammon dip. really sweet. oh yeah. i got myself a poster. gonna frame it up tomorrow i think. i'll go take a picture of it when i put up. which is soon, i hope. ooooh, my mom made tartlets yesterday. im eating it now. freaking nice! haha. love it. but its rock hard now. so weird. AHHHH tomorrow's school. see ya!

2007-01-01T08:49:00.000-08:00

record my voice on a tape and play it over and over i don't want to see you anymore. charm is the power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration. thats exactly how i would describe you. you act deep or maybe you really are, but i honestly don't know you. what is popularity really? i'll be satisfied with my friends. one, two or three. at least we're not like you. i think you are. maybe its cause i like you, but really, i can't tell. i know less about myself then i take credit for. but who cares if i like you or not right. i never get what i want anyway or at least not what i really want. and i guess some people are born lucky that way. and how significant do we think we are compared to others? do you really think you're better cause who are you to judge me. but whatever, to what you're thinking, why do i care what you think of me anyway, what do i have to prove? its all the social conspiracy life has made to keep shallow alive. if there was one propaganda it would have to be that the sluts get the guys and popularity is just a state of mind. but who am i to say, almost half the world might actually live on all this. we must all know this but its self denial that we never want to face. lets go through life like everything's fine.

2007-01-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

stayed over at jana's place today. with pam & jeslin. i came at abt 130 in the morning. oh yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR! ITS 2007! haha. how weird. oh well. pam didnt even know i came last night. pam's a pig! haha. no i'm kidding. lol. i love pammie wammie :D she took up the whole space so i had to share the couch with jeslin. jana & pam slept on the mattresses on the floor. small people take up a lot of space.. we woke up at like 12. so we had brunch. oh yeah, and pizza after that. oh yeah. dunno why they like the spicy buffalo wings so much. it doesnt taste very good. so i gave mine to pam, or jeslin, or jana, or maybe jonathan. not sure.. oh yeah! so we watched, monster-in-law, bring it on 3, crossroads, & prince& me, oh yeah, and yours, mine and ours, crossroads was deeper than i thought it was.. i thought it was those no plot dumb chick flick shows cause of britney spears. fat ass! haha. i wanted to watch kicking and screaming! omg. i think i'll just rent it tomorrow and watch it with josh. bleaugh. oh yeah, i'm watching my fair lady. i love old movies! audrey hepburn is really pretty. lol. wow. i haven't blogged for forever. not too sure how to anymore. i hope i did it right. oh yeah, i have pictures from the new year party thingy. i'll put them up. oh yeah i almost forgot about our before-new-years-day-dinner. oops! okay, so pam, jana, jeslin and i went to billy bombers at first, but because our stupid coupon thingy isn't "valid" on eves of public holidays, we didnt eat there. haha. kind of embarassing. haha. so we went to cafe cartel, so fun! but it was so crowded. jeslin & i had to take the bread and stuff first, i got my hads all oily from the olive oil. it was so gross, and jana was so BLUR, sort of. i starting to ask myself why i'm telling ya'll all of this. so weird okay. i wanna watch the movie.oh.& JESLIN BRIGHTENS UP MY LIFE!

2006-12-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

all of them have someone who wants them for who they are but they push them all away I don’t want to be like that. Are we all obsessed about having what we can never have and is the impossible our goal and the achievable what we dispise? do we hate what we have and want what we dont. i could be wrong but is right always the opposite, answers are not always the end of questions is love what hearts want? or is it longing? are we what we hate cause if its true i'd have to say thats why we love what do we really want? does anyone know for sure or is it just an endless circle we go through to pass the time maybe want is our new hobby. how are there many answers to a problem and only one thing that satisfies.. I hope it doesn’t go on forever
But who am I to know or even hope.

i dreamt of the song ive been listening to. "do i have to sleep with flowers in my hand?" but you'll never get it cause you're not really there. did everything really happen? cause all this is as real as love. non existant. i mean, nvm. but suprisingly im only remotely jealous. if i were to find another you i really hope he looks like you.